How Many Hosts Do You Have, If Any?

[pheonix_system]

Our host count is kinda complicated.

Our total count is 9. However, only 4 can be considered main or primary hosts, while three of the others are hosts of subsystems or Solar’s sidesystem, and the other two are are the hosts of our sidesystems. The last four are all hosts in the main system, so we tend to front more than any of the others.

Also, bonus question because I’m curious: Do other systems have hosts who are also caretakers? Asking because three of us have both roles (me being one of them) and I’m just curious how common it is for these two roles to be found together.

Comments

[lb_lee]

It feels like what you describe is a more overarching shitty power dynamic in multi folk... back in the LJ days, we sometimes saw it called “hostzilla,” the idea that one headmate (or specific group of headmates, usually small) were inherently better and had the right to wield power and force over those “beneath” them. (Often those dynamics also included aspects of gender, race, age, or ability— “they’re too unacceptable/weird/fake/young/weak/crazy to be trusted with any power or right to choice.”)

I dunno what even to call it. Host supremacy? Internal authoritarianism??? Because while it can definitely be ASSOCIATED with hosts (in both senses of the term), they’re sure not the only ones.

[beepbird]

I have noticed that this is a wider pattern that appears here and there in plural groups; we are certainly not alone in having struggled with it. Aspects of age and ability were certainly factors here, as was lack of internal trust and an unsafe-feeling social environment.

I would say that it took until last year to really start to shift that pattern, but it is still something that crops up. It's just less pervasive/constant than it used to be, and we have slightly better tools for dealing with it. May it continue to become less common of a problem for us. It sucks. We are all still more afraid to give our time to others inside than any of us would like to be because of this.

I've been thinking of it as an internalized reaction to sanism and cultural imperialism/colonialism: "I'm not crazy if I'm in full control of the inside of my head, and I have the right to do what I want with my brain even if it protests because it's supposed to be My Brain; therefore I'm supposed to take control of everything inside, screw any complaints".

Or, sometimes, "I'm more real than you, so I should be the one who has the final say on everything." The "real person" bullshit strikes again.

"Hostzilla" is a good word for it in practice. Silly enough to work as a "hey, you're being a bit overbearing here" without it being taken as an attack.